Solo or Duo?

At the time that I applied to INSEAD, I was 100% certain that if admitted, I will attend INSEAD alone. He will stay behind. My reason was based on logic. I didn't want to take on a HUGE amount of debt to support my tuition and living expense for two for an entire year. Moreover, it seemed risky for both of us to be jobless while taking on debt like there is no tomorrow. But as time is moving closer to the start date of the program, I ask myself whether this decision is sound.

For the sake of argument, let's assume that he comes with me to INSEAD, he will have to quit his job, which shouldn't be an issue because he hates it. But he will have to leave all his music toys, friends and family behind. That will be hard for him. Also because he doesn't speak French, it will be tough for him to communicate with non-English speakers. This will restrict his interactions to mostly with other INSEAD partners. Judging from mbaconnect, most of the partners are women in their mid to late 20s and early 30s, so he may or may not have a hard time connecting with other partners- it's hard to tell. But to be cautious, I fear that he will not be happy living in France and may resent me for being the reason for his move. His resentment can sour our relationship, making my life at INSEAD a living hell. So if he remains in the US, we can avoid this situation altogether. Another benefit, if he remains in the US, is that I will be living alone and I will not have to clean up after his mess or worry about leaving my own mess around. A third benefit is that I can focus on myself next year.

There are many negatives as well. First and foremost, next year will be a very tough year on both of us if he doesn't come with me. Our relationship will be tested. Will we want the same thing after I come out of the MBA? Does he really want to live outside of the US or was it just something that he thinks may be fun? Can he pack up his life and live out of a suitcase for a few years in Asia or Europe? While I am worried about how he and I will deal with this pressure, I believe it is a good thing for our relationship. I want us to be tested and I want us to make it through with the fights and reconciliations as our honor badge. I want us to really think about what each of us want out of life. By being apart, we can focus on what each of us wants instead of what the couple want. I have faith in us. I know we will not completely enjoy the experience of living apart but we will be a stronger couple because of it. I will have a hard time dealing with the stress that comes with surviving an intense 10 month MBA program without him. After all, he is my best friend and knows how to make me giggle after a long stressful day. It will really suck to go through an entire year without him....

So in the end, I think we will still begin next year living on separate continents. But I hope he can join me in Singapore in the fall of 2011. So the time that we will spend apart will be 6 months. That's not so bad. And we will break that 6 months up by having him visit in March for a mini-European vacation.

Yes, our plan will work. I am sure of it.